Gesundheit

Well that was just awful . . . nothing scarier for a first time parent than a four month old with a head cold. I can proudly say we survived the runny nose and stuffy head.

Here are the things that helped me through:

1. Boogie Wipes. These are awesome, soft little saline wipes for cleaning snotty noses and beyond. Though Helen definitely hated having her nose wiped, it made for a better experience all around
2. Nose syringe. I'm sure every parent has one - we got ours from the hospital when she was born. She screamed like a banshee when I used it, but it certainly pulled the snot from her tiny little nose.
3. Infants Tylenol. We bought the generic brand and had no problems. It perked her up on her worst days and helped her sleep better at night.
4. Vicks Baby Rub. We rubbed this over her chest and back at night to help break up the congestion. We were also trying to preempt a cough and make sure the coughing wouldn't wake her (luckily she hasn't gotten a cough yet).
5. Tissues. For yourself. Both myself and my husband caught her cold as well  . . . caring for a sick kid is mighty difficult when you're also sick.

Helen needed extra snuggles over the weekend, but otherwise she was tougher than I thought she'd be - seems like babies are a little more resilient than I gave them credit for.

My Greatest Achievement

I did it! Or, rather, we did it!

We successfully got out daughter to go to sleep on her own, almost every night, at about the same time. I can't tell you wart magic trick we used, because it kind of started with a fluke. But nothing, absolutely nothing in my life has given me more pride.

A friend recently asked how we did it, and to be honest I hesitate to giveis details. When I was struggling to get my daughter to sleep through the night (shoot, to sleep period), advice made me more frustrated because none of it seemed to work. Why, you ask? Because so-and-so's kid was not my kid. Every child is different, and while it can make you feel better to know others have struggled with the same thing, their solution might not work. Because your child is unique.

So here is my advice: try different things. If one thing works, try it again the next night. Attempt to establish a routine. This really helped Helen and now she can go to sleep on her own. We put her in bed before she is asleep and she is able to fall asleep on her own.

I might sound calm and cool now, but I wasn't for a long time. Don't be afraid of your feelings and don't be afraid of failing. Parenting is hard. Just remind yourself that many, many people do it every day. And that eventually . . . she will sleep.

A Little Leakage

Twelve weeks postpartum and I've officially peed my pants. And not even from a sneeze!

In the few weeks after delivery I tended to pee when I sneezed, but today I just peed taking a nice walk!

Seriously, what the hell? I never had these problems right after having Helen, so why am I having them now? It seems to me that the postpartum body is a constantly evolving, ever-changing thing. I'm not quite sure when everything will be back to "normal," but my pelvic floor muscles need to speed it up. 

Guess I need to start doing those kegel exercises everyone talks about . . . though when I'm supposed to find the time to remember to do them is beyond me.

Back to Work . . .

I did it! I successfully made it through my first week back to work without having a nervous breakdown or crying at my desk. Though now the weekend is over and I have to do it all over again . . . A colleague said the Monday after your first weekend would be hard, so here's hoping tomorrow goes well!

I'm working on a lengthier post about becoming a working mom. Hopefully after I get my "sea legs," as it were, the post will make more sense. For now it's just a jumble of thoughts and feelings. Lots of feelings. 

About Yesterday . . .

Just one day after posting about motherly guilt, a friend sent me this article about postpartum practices, or lack thereof, here in America. It's a very interesting read - and definitely a topic that needs more addressing in our society.

Fighting the Guilt Within

Catholic guilt may run deep (and as a papist I would know), but I'm beginning to think the guilt of motherhood is the worst kind of guilt.

I'm going back to work next week after ten weeks at home with my little nugget and I feel so many mixed emotions, guilt being pretty high on the list, and I find myself wondering if I'll ever feel a sense of normalcy again? I know "normal" will be a much different normal from my pre-parent days, but I feel like the past ten weeks were a sort of intermission between acts one and two of my life.

I'm waiting anxiously for my new "normal" because, frankly, I'm not sure how I'll feel once I'm back at work. I like my job, I like working, I like my co-workers and feel lucky in this economy to have a stable job with good benefits. But then . . . I look at my daughters sweet face and I can't imagine handing her over to someone else to nurture and play with and snuggle all day while I sit at a desk, wistfully wishing it was me holding her.

So guilt. So much guilt.

Will it go away? Or will it just get worse?

I fear I'll feel guilty for putting her in day care.

But I'll feel more guilty that I'll like being back at work. There have been hard days over the past ten weeks when I've caught myself thinking "I can't wait until I'm back at work . . ." And then I want to cry along with Helen for feeling so!! I should love every second of my time home with her!

Does anyone else feel like this?

Is anyone else struggling with the internal stay-at-home-mom debate? One day (today for instance) I absolutely believe I would love to stay at home in a few years once we can afford it and give Helen a sibling. But there's another part of me that thinks I'll love being back at work. Working won't make me a bad mother - maybe it will make me a more focused mother because I'll have to make the most of every minute I spend with my little girl.

But if I don't work . . . I don't pay off my student loan debt, my husband does. And yes, while the rational part of my brain knows that just because I wouldn't be "working outside the home," the idea of not working for moeny in my own right while still paying off college debt brings on a whole other kinds of guilt . . .

Does guilt ever end???

Comparing Notes, Not Babies

As a new/young mother, I frequently find myself asking other mom's for advice. Sometimes I follow it, sometimes I don't, but it always makes me feel better to know another mom has been through it and lived to tell the tale.

Comparing notes, as it were, seems to help ease my fears and reassure me that I'm not totally screwing up this whole parenting thing.

But when it comes to comparing babies, that just makes me feel crappy.

We just went in for Helen's two month check up and I was surprised to learn she was only in the 20th percentile for weight. While my husband and our mothers did their best to reassure me it was nothing but a number, I couldn't help the crappy feeling it gave me. Were my breast-feeding efforts not enough? Maybe my milk supply wasn't as good as I thought. Maybe so-and-so's baby was healthier that mine. Maybe my baby was too small . . . my mind went round and round with all the maybes and what-ifs that I kind of went crazy.

Logically I understand why doctors compare weight and length - you can't exactly ask a baby if it's feeling all right. Their measurements are big indicators that they're developing as they should and staying healthy. But I can't help but think the comparing makes mothers a little loopy.